perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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