If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
