DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
