Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
People in love make me want to vomit
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
