How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i dont even know how to be here
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
