White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
