You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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