I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
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i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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