Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
