I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
