you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
