Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
