okay pat passed out under dana's car
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
