I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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