I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
