i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
My liver just had a heart attack.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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