How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
