Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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