why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
