we'll go far in life on tits alone.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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