oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
