dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
