Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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