If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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