if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
