6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
