I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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