You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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