Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
