Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
