its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
