Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
