the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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