i jhust puked up my retainher.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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