my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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