I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
