I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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