omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
