im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
