I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
