piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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