New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
