You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
