GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
