ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
