Small penises have feelings too.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
