JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
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I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.