There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.