the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Apple has a Lot to Explain to iPhone X Customers
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
People Asked The Internet Questions About their Private Parts And The Results Are Hilarious
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.