Im at strip club and am horny
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.