It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
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And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.