I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
