I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
