Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
