Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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