so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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