she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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