Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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