Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
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He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
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He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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