She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
