hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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