I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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