You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
