He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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