It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
