Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
